So it is about time that I posted on my blog. It is amazing how little time you have when all you are doing is eating, sleeping, feeding, burping, and rocking. All those things take a lot of time, but I am finally learning how to get enough rest and still fit other things in. I thought I would take this post as a opportunity to share my birth story; some of the hardest, most rewarding, and spiritual 24 hours of my life.

Before I share my birth story I have to explain that I prepared quite a bit for the birth of my little girl. I took a 12 week birthing class, I read books, and did research. After my research I chose to have a natural birth. In fact, I really wanted to have a home birth, but as I went to the Lord in prayer about that decision something just did not feel right. We went to tour the hospitals in the area and when I went to Mountain View Hospital and incredible peace came over me and I let go of my plans for a home birth and prepared for a hospital birth. I had learned birthing positions and relaxation techniques, I experimented with essential oils. I planned to labor as long as I could at home. I a medicine ball, hot and cold pads, and an essential oil diffuser on hand. I wanted the birth of my little girl to be a positive experience.

Well, 6 days after my due date, a Monday night at 6pm, I felt my little Lilly push off my ribs with her feet as she ahad got into the habit of doing and POP! I felt my bag of waters burst. I was GBS positive as well so it was important for me to go straight to the hospital and begin the rounds of antibiotics. I was having this baby within twenty-four hours! As we drove to the hospital, eating our half-made dinner, I felt the contractions begin. By the time I arrived they were consistently about 6 minutes apart. I was feeling positive and courageous, ready to meet my little girl and give her the natural birth I had prepared for. Since my water had already broken my contractions needed to get closer together within the next few hours or they would recommend Pitocin, which I wanted to avoid if at all possible. I tried a few things to help my labor progress. I went in the tub and practiced complete relaxation. I loved the tub and recommend it for early labor. However, if you are not giving birth in the tub I would not suggest it during transition. I don't think I would have been able to get myself out when my contractions were that intense. I also went on walks with my sweet husband. He was such a great coach! Walking felt good and energized me, but it was harder for me to relax completely during the contractions. Eventually they needed to do the intermittent monitoring and asked me to return to the bed. The contractions where getting much closer together, perhaps a minute or two apart, and they were at least two minutes long. I struggled to remain standing long enough to get back to the bed. I rejoiced in the intensity that was occurring, my baby was getting closer. I let them do their 20 minutes of monitoring then I wanted to try some of the other positions I had learned about, while I was still feeling somewhat mobile. I tried the birthing ball. It seemed to reduce the pressure some, but I was reminded of my tendency to faint when in pain while trying to remain in the upright position. I then tried hands and knees on a mat which was a position I have LOVED while pregnant. It wasn't bad, but as the contractions continued I began to get shaky and decided the best way for me to relax was to lie on my side. At this point the contractions where becoming longer. They were lasting a good 5-7 minutes and I only had a 30 second break in between.

I began to hear the nurses and midwife talk with Lawrence about transition.  I was having a hard time, but I had read that transition can be less than a hour to a few hours long and that I would soon meet my baby and would also have some relief during the pushing stage. I was tired, but excited to be at that point, thinking I was close to meeting my baby (silly me!). This was the challenging, but my favorite, part of  my labor. My transition, which lasted NINE hours (now they don't tell you that in the books), was the most spiritual experience I had ever had. I was no longer aware of time. I locked into a rhythm of deep breaths and song like moaning (which I jokingly became known for in the Labor and Delivery Department, I was singing my baby out they said), my eyes were often closed but when I opened them I always saw Lawrence's face right next to mine and I felt an overwhelming love from my sweet spouse. I heard the nurses trying to get him to sit down, or eat something, or take a drink, but he refused to leave my side. The phone was ringing, our families were anxious as the hours wore on, but he ignored it and only left me upon my request for a cool cloth or ice chips as my throat was drying. I loved my sweet Lawrence when we were friends in Jerusalem, I loved him more on our wedding day, I loved him even more as we had moved through our first year of marriage, but I loved him more during those hours than I ever knew it was possible to love. I also felt another relationship strengthen during these nine hours of transition. My prayers were constant during those nine hours (now I can better relate with Enos in the Book of Mormon). I realized I needed my Father in Heaven and my Saviors grace, this was not something I had strength to do on my own. You read stories about the pioneers feeling angels pull their handcarts when they fear they can't take another step, I felt like those pioneers. It was as though some of the pain was carried by someone else. It was was there, but it didn't feel like it was me doing it. Looking back it still doesn't feel like something I did, but something we did. I was blessed with incredible nurses, a marvelous midwife, and a dedicated husband and among all that support, I felt angels in the room, the love of my daughter as she moved inside me, the atonement of my Savior as His grace lighted my load, and compassion of my Heavenly Father. I know that motherhood is a calling from God. That He desires for us to have children and it is part of His plan, because He was very aware of  me as I was working to follow that plan. 1 Nephi 3:7 comes to mind, "...for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them." I was doing His will and He strengthened me to meet the challenge.

Finally I was dilated to a 9 1/2. I had a cervical lip which the midwife pushed out of the way and I felt the urge to push. Unfortunately I don't think the contractions got further apart. I was still having rather long contractions with only 30 seconds in between. Pushing brought relief from the pain, but it was difficult to push that long, usually they recommend only three, 10 second pushes in a row, but my contractions were still going strong long after that, and all I wanted to do was push. After pushing for awhile the midwife felt my little ones head and discovered that she was posterior. They helped me change positions to hands and knees on the bed and I pushed in that position, squatting with each push. This position can help posterior babies rotate, but we didn't have any luck. I continued to push. After two hours of pushing. My midwife said that we had to get her to rotate. Lilly was so close that at times Lawrence could see her head, but she wasn't descending through my pelvis. My midwife trying to avoid a c-section recommended I get an epidural, rest and let my body continue to move my daughter down the birth canal and then they would try manually turning her. I began to cry. I had worked so hard to avoid this and yet after 19 hours of natural labor it looked like I wasn't going to have my wish. Lawrence asked the nurses an midwife to leave the room so we could talk as husband and wife. We cried together, but in the end decided that it was worth it if we could avoid a c-section. The anesthesiologist came in to give me the epidural. Once again I was blessed with an incredible professional who was full of compassion. They tried to give me the epidural in between contractions, but they only had a 30 second window, so I was having intense contractions throughout the procedure trying as hard as I could to relax - singing my way through it. The relief of the epidural was incredible. I had forgotten what it felt like not to be in pain. I fell asleep in seconds! They let me sleep for 2 hours and when I awoke she had moved down further, but was still butting against my pelvis. I pushed for another hour with all my might and my midwife worked to turn her. At one point she almost turned all the way around and then quickly flipped again. It was so discouraging to be so close...After the hour my midwife said Lilly's head was hitting into my pelvis with each push, it had almost been 24 hours since my water broke, and she wasn't turning. She said, "Honey, I am sorry, but I have to recommend a c-section. I can't get her through while posterior." Lawrence cried and so did I.

They administered more anesthesia and wheeled me in to the OR. I held Lawrence's hand knowing all the while that they were cutting into me and pushing and pulling to get my little one out and then she was there, my little girl. Pink and healthy, already sucking and ready for her first meal. I could see the bruises on her little head from where her head pushed against my pelvis. I was grateful she was healthy, grateful she was here. The birth of my little girl did not go at all how I planned, but I am grateful that we were inspired to go to the hospital we wen to, and with the midwife we chose. I am grateful to have experienced natural childbirth, what and incredible experience, and for modern medicine when her positioning prevented me from giving birth that way. I am grateful for a wonderful husband who coached me through the whole thing, and for a Father in Heaven who gave me the strength needed in those hours. I love my little Lilly!

p.s. Sorry I am not good with technology and don't know how to get these pictures to turn.

Having a Little Fun!

Mixed Feelings

        Geez-Louise! Only about 4 weeks left until the estimated arrival of our little girl! Part of me is saying, "Where did the time go? She is already almost here?" And the other part of me is saying, "Geez it took you long enough! Hurry up and let me meet you!"
        Lawrence and I are both very excited and nervous! We have been trying our best to prepare. We have cleaned our home inside and out, practiced relaxation techniques for labor, toured hospitals, and ran through possible events of that important day. Overanxious-first-time-parents?
       Here is a little update on the belly. Feeling very big, very pregnant, and very blessed!

      Okay, I may not have time for a project like this, but I have always wanted to have a cute blog and I told myself to wait until I graduated. Well, I'm done! Hopefully I will get on here often and post updates on our little growing family. We just moved back up to Idaho for Lawrence's last semester here. I have been nesting like crazy, and trying to get our spacious, but inexpensive apartment organized and sterilized for the arrival of our little girl! Even though we will only be living here a short while I want her first home to be a beautiful one!
        Before we left our midwives in Arizona wanted to do one last ultrasound with us. Oh how she has grown! That was about a week ago and from their calculations she was measuring about 5lbs! I just love those chubby cheeks! Here is a glimpse of our upcoming addition:

wind, wind go away

Sometimes I wonder why I chose BYU-Idaho, in the land of Rexburg, where the wind is always blowing. My hair is always in my face, my nose is always cold, and my ears begin to ache. Then I remember all the things I love about this place, the people, the things I learn each day, the small town feel, and after all this is where I met Steele! I doubt anyone reads this blog since I am so terrible at posting, but to answer the question why do I go to BYU-Idaho? My reasons out weight the wind!

Me and Lisa swimming in Herod the Great's Pool

Yay!!! We all made it through our final exams! No better way to celebrate than going out to West Jerusalem for ice cream and playing in the park :) Left to Right: Celeste, Me, Emily, Faith, and Lawrence.

These are rounded stones discovered at the site of the Herodian that were used for defense if attacked. This is Lisa and Keri trying to pick them up, pretty heavy boulders!

Me and two beautiful girls, my professors daughters Lisa and Emily, on the top of the Herodian.

One of my favorite Sabbath activities. Singing hymns at the Garden Tomb.  Left to Right: Donovan, Lawrence, Kiya, Me, Faith, Michael, Audrian, & Neal

Catch up time!

Woah! Sorry it has taken me so long to get on here and share some more about my experience here in Jerusalem. It has been so amazing and jam packed with goodness that I can't seem to find a moment to write about it!
Well, I haven't written about Egypt yet. We happened to be in Egypt during the start of political riots. We were well protected and avoided all danger. We missed out on the Cairo Museum which I am a little disappointed in but our professors worked out a trip to the Bent and Red Pyramids along with the Valley Temple. There usually isn't much time for these sites, but since it was in a safe area our semester had an opportunity to experience it. I crossed many things of my bucket list such as seeing the pyramids, going inside a pyramid, riding a camel (So pleasant by the way! We went on an hour ride around sunset! So beautiful! Plus my camel driver kept letting me know that I was beautiful. Self esteem boost + Sunset on the Nile = Lots of smiles!!) going down the Nile in a sailboat, walking through the Karnak Temple (the most incredible structure I have ever seen!) but the climax of the entire trip was  hiking Mount Sinai. So I am going to take to time to try to explain what I learned and what I felt then. To begin I have to go back to the night before we hiked. After dinner that night we gathered with professor Mulehstein under the stars, it was such an incredibly clear sky. As we did so we discussed Moses 1. He taught something that will always stick with me. He pointed out that when Moses asked God both how and why he created mankind, God showed him somethign before He answered the question. He showed him all His other creations. All the worlds without number. And then He said "My work and my glory is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." There are two things that can be learned from this. One is that God is so powerful, yet He spends His time and energy on trying to bring us eternal life. And another is that why we are striving to be worthy to live in the presence of God one day we will need God's help to remain clean. We will make mistakes and we have so many imperfections, but if God can create worlds without number He can take a silly girl like me and help me really become something. The children of Israel often provoked God and the reasons He was angry with His children were because they didn't have the faith that God could do it. Whether it was lack of food, or water. The most tremendous case is when God invited the children of Israel to come up to Mount Sinai and meet God. They refused the offer because they feared that God would not be able to protect them from the power of His presence. How many times do all of us refuse a chance to come closer to our Heavenly Father because we fear that God can not remove our sins, thinking we are too far gone? Our Father in Heaven can and will if we come to Him with a sincere desire to change.
The next morning at 2 am we all woke up and got on the bus to the foot of the mountain. Then we began the hike. I kept stumbling along the path because I couldn't help, but stare at the stars every once in awhile. They shown SO bright. And I thought about what we had been taught the night before. If God has the power to create all this He has the power to take someone as foolish as me and help me be like Him. He has given me the tools to do so if I follow His words and His prophets and listen to the Spirit with a trusting heart. At the top of the mountain the wind was blowing hard! And it was cold since the sun was just barely beginning to peak over the horizon. I looked around and saw all the people I love here. We crowded together to keep each other warm and sang hymn after hymn. Isn't that what we should do for each other each and every day. When the outside weather was rough we wrapped our arms around each other and reminded each other what life is all about through words we sang. When the outside world pounds on each one of us at one time or another I hope that we can all gather around that individual and share words and deeds that will uplift.
Once we watched the sun rise the two Old Testament classes separated and walked to areas that were somewhat protected by the wind and warmed by the sun. We sat together as our professors taught us. Professor Muhlestein taught many things but there is one thing he said that I will never forget. As he discussed all those who saw or heard God on this beautiful mountain he said, "God will 'show' Himself in your lives as well, take the time to recognize it." As I sat and pondered how God had shown Himself in my life I was overwhelmed with all the miracles and love I have in my life. God is truely there and He loves me. I do not doubt that. He has had His loving hand in my life time and time again.
Well I finally finished this entry and now there is so much more I want to share! Sadly, it is going to have to wait awhile.  Shalom!